Lately I have been doing a lot of soul searching about what motivates me. I really want to know why I was able to lose weight so many years ago, but it seems to be such a struggle this time.
Years ago, and I have to say, it wasn't the first time I ever tried to lose weight, I had signed up for the Avon-3Day breast cancer walk. 60 miles in 3 days. I had to train so I forced myself outside every day for a minimum of 1 hr and the weekends were longer. With all the exercise I got to eat a lot more. I also was successful at losing the weight and it felt so good. I got to go out, get attention from people who had otherwise ignored me my whole life and I could buy clothes off the rack w/out trying them on.
Now, I am a tired mom of 2 beautiful kids, a wife to a wonderful husband and I work at least full time. I own a home that I have to keep up, I cook, I clean I do not exercise. I also volunteer for the Family readiness group on my husbands base. I can not buy clothes off the rack, I don't go out often and I often try to do things the easy way in order to cut back on time.
My motivation to be healthy is my main focus this time, where the last time it was to lose weight. I have kids I want to role model for, and yet I have a hard time doing that...at least when they are not around. yep, that is right...I think I am a closet eater. I don't want people to see the fat girl eating ice cream so I buy it and find a quiet corner and eat it.
This time, I have less time and money to invest. This time though, I have the power of knowing I can do it. I didn't have that the last time. (hmmm...I wonder if that is part of my problem).
So, my motivation is my kids. I really want to be a good role model for them and I really don't want them to be embarrased of me when they grow up. At least not for my weight. They already are going to be embarrased of me for the lone reason that I AM their mom.
My motivation is my kids. I want to be healthy and life a long life in order to watch them grow up and become the wonderful adults that I know they will be. I want to see them do sports, and gymnastics and drama and cheerleading (if that is what they want). I want to make sure that I can do that, and if I don't stop my eating habits, I won't be able to. Type 2 diabetes runs in my family and I know I can't be this lucky forever.
Now the question is, how do I remember all that when I am making the choice to put the crap into my mouth? The motivation is long term, but food makes me happy short term. I think this is a statement I need to come back to in another post. This may be more what I need to examine, rather than what motivates me.
Anyway, on a brighter note, I am doing well. I also started TOM (blech!) and I think that may have something to do with the last 2 weeks and teh 5 lbs weight gain. At least, I am going to blame it to make me feel better. :-)