Busy, busy, busy!

had such a busy day!

I volunteer on the base for family readiness (we are there to help families when members get deployed) and I went w/our coordinator to the Navy base to watch how they do a pre-deployement briefing.
Then I went to lunch...had a salad.
Came to work and jumped right in. Tons to do so really can't write much. Just wanted to say I hope you all are having a happy Friday.

Can you say Tired?

I am tired today. I have no idea why. Went to bed @ 10...woke up @5:30 w/the kids but then got them back down for another 30 minutes. That is actually pretty normal so nothing there to make me extra tired. I feel okay. Just tired.
One more thing to add to the list to make me hungry. Being tired. I think it is my bodies way of trying to get enough energy to start the day.
I made my coffee extra strong today and am going to down a glass of water in a minute to try and get going.

Okay, enough whining about that stuff. Read all the comments and really want to thank you all for the support. It is super helpful and appreciated!

Made it thru the day!

I made it yesterday...and yes, I did dip into my flex points but again, everything was healthy and good for me so I feel okay about it.

Not really sure why I was so hungry but I was so I ate...making sure to take breaks to see if I really was still hungry.

On a brighter note, my neighbor is doing better and has been moved out of the ICU. I am so glad. I don't think I could handle the stress of something else bad happening right now.

Packed and ready for the day.

More later.

Snacking

Definately a good thing that I packed enough snacks today. I think I might go into my weekly points this evening, but I am good with that. I am at least eating and making HEALTHY choices. Not an easy task when there is so much crap where you work. There are over 300 employees here and they are always bringing things for people to eat...sugary, flourery, bad for you things.

STEP AWAY from the treats!

On with my day.

I am really HUNGRY!

What is up with that? I was starving all day yesterday, and I ate a lot! Fortunately it was all healthy stuff, but still. I even went to bed hungry and woke up first thing hungry. I just ate breakfast, had a cup of coffee and downed a bottle of water. I am going to wait about 20 minutes to make sure that I am still hungry, but I don't get it.
I am eating protein and dairy products as well as fiber filled things.
How am I supposed to lose weight if I am always hungry?

On a not so happy note...my neighbor, who I have known my entire life and is like a second mother to me is in the ICU. She is very sick and they just don't know if she is going to make it. 3 of her daughters are here and the 4th will be in tonight.

I hate this.

Weekly Weigh In...

Well, the numbers are in and.....

I


am


DOWN!!!!


3.3 lbs.

The planning this week really paid off. I did get yelled at by WWO for losing more than 2lbs but oh well...I think a lot must have been water weight. Now just to lose that 1.7 lbs to get rid of the 5 lbs I gained. Got the week mapped out, made some yummy and HUGE 2 pt muffins from a HungryGirl recipe and the day is ready to begin.

I do have a sore throat tho so we will see. More later.

Weekend eating

I really find, that on the weekends I tend to eat more. I think it is b/c I am home and kind of bored. Not in a bad way, just not constantly working.

Today I made lunch for the family. I made corndogs & mac & cheese for dh, toddler and other toddler. I made myself a grilled cheese and carrots. I put the plates on the table, we all sat down and the oldest toddler says "I want a sandwich and carrots."

Perplexed I looked to dh for guidance...he was lookinng at ds like he had a 2nd head and I thought "hell no, not sharing!" and then I passed my plate over and offered him some. He took 1/2 the sandwich and 1/2 the carrots.

I was definately hungry at the end of the meal, but I felt good that my ds is able to ask for healthier choices. I was taking the easy way out for him and I really shouldn't do that. Nice little reminder. Oh, and the look and dh's face...priceless.

Drama on the internet.

I belong to a mommy board that I found when I was pg. Well, I actually found another board and we all moved to a private board b/c of the restrictions of the first board. Well, there has been never ending drama on this board and it looks like it is shutting down.

This makes me so incredibly sad. Seriously. I was with these women thru my entire pregnancy w/my daughter up until today. I can't figure the drama out...why would people lie and do these things to one another...especially on the net?

Oh well, just thought I would say, I still managed to keep my eating under control, even with feeling sad and depressed about this. :-(

Hanging in.

Well, I think I am doing okay and hanging in. We had guest for dinner last night and I made some pork chops, broccoli and a yummy spinach salad. For dessert I made these little cheesecake bites. Chocolate graham crackers w/some of that Kraft cheesecake filling in them. If you break the crackers into 4's and then top them, they are 1 pt each...4 are 5 pts. It is yummy and they were a hit. soooooooooooooooooooo easty. Who knew?

AF is kicking my butt though. I have some serious cramps and just can't seem to get too motivated to do anything. It really is making me hungry too. Yuck! Hmmmm, seems like EVERYTHING makes me hungry. That free lap band sounds better and better. (Yes, I am kicking myself in the behind as I type this).

Okay,
making healthy choices: check
exercising: no check
drinking lots of water: check

Well, I guess 2 out of 3 ain't bad!

WHAT MOTIVATES ME?

Lately I have been doing a lot of soul searching about what motivates me. I really want to know why I was able to lose weight so many years ago, but it seems to be such a struggle this time.

Years ago, and I have to say, it wasn't the first time I ever tried to lose weight, I had signed up for the Avon-3Day breast cancer walk. 60 miles in 3 days. I had to train so I forced myself outside every day for a minimum of 1 hr and the weekends were longer. With all the exercise I got to eat a lot more. I also was successful at losing the weight and it felt so good. I got to go out, get attention from people who had otherwise ignored me my whole life and I could buy clothes off the rack w/out trying them on.

Now, I am a tired mom of 2 beautiful kids, a wife to a wonderful husband and I work at least full time. I own a home that I have to keep up, I cook, I clean I do not exercise. I also volunteer for the Family readiness group on my husbands base. I can not buy clothes off the rack, I don't go out often and I often try to do things the easy way in order to cut back on time.

My motivation to be healthy is my main focus this time, where the last time it was to lose weight. I have kids I want to role model for, and yet I have a hard time doing that...at least when they are not around. yep, that is right...I think I am a closet eater. I don't want people to see the fat girl eating ice cream so I buy it and find a quiet corner and eat it.

This time, I have less time and money to invest. This time though, I have the power of knowing I can do it. I didn't have that the last time. (hmmm...I wonder if that is part of my problem).

So, my motivation is my kids. I really want to be a good role model for them and I really don't want them to be embarrased of me when they grow up. At least not for my weight. They already are going to be embarrased of me for the lone reason that I AM their mom.
My motivation is my kids. I want to be healthy and life a long life in order to watch them grow up and become the wonderful adults that I know they will be. I want to see them do sports, and gymnastics and drama and cheerleading (if that is what they want). I want to make sure that I can do that, and if I don't stop my eating habits, I won't be able to. Type 2 diabetes runs in my family and I know I can't be this lucky forever.

Now the question is, how do I remember all that when I am making the choice to put the crap into my mouth? The motivation is long term, but food makes me happy short term. I think this is a statement I need to come back to in another post. This may be more what I need to examine, rather than what motivates me.

Anyway, on a brighter note, I am doing well. I also started TOM (blech!) and I think that may have something to do with the last 2 weeks and teh 5 lbs weight gain. At least, I am going to blame it to make me feel better. :-)

Whew! Day 3 in motion!

did great yesterday, even though some jerk brought in chocolate/yogurt/peanut butter covered pretzels. I love the salt/sweet flavor. I did not have ONE!! Woot for my nsv!

Packed up stuff again today. Left overs from last night...OMG, that was good stuff. Dh & the kids LOVED it! Seriously. They couldn't get enough and I made them stop so I would have some leftovers. What a great, easy way to get the veggies in too!

I need to go grab my coffee and start to get some work done. Hope you all have a good day!

Baked Apples

Baked Apples

Serves 6, Easy
3 WW pts each.

6 medium to large apples
4 TBS Peanut butter
1 TBS cinnamon

Wash and core apples. Mix PB & cinnamon in bowl. Spoon into apples. Place in crockpot on low for 4 hrs.


(this is a family favorite...the toddler, infant and dh all love it. It is healthy and filling too!)

Packed and ready to roll!

Sounds like I am going on vacation, right??? Not so much.

I spent so much time cooking this weekend(A rush of inspiration!), last night I packed dh, mine & ds lunches so that it was ready and we could just roll this morning. Good thing too, b/c for some reason ds decided to sleep late so we were having to fly.

I came to work, fixed myself and eggwhite and lite english muffin sandwich. (we have a little kitchen here). Oh, and a cup of coffee w/some ff creamer. Not a lot but a 4 pt. breakfast. I put in a Baked Apples (OMG, these are so good and the family loves them, I make them every couple of weeks or so). I packed the Quick Quinoa & Turkey Taco Stew, a granola bar, some strawberries, some yogurt and carrots. Lots of fresh things and lots of variety for choice. I don't plan to eat it all, but if I do, it would be okay and I would still have plenty of points left over.

I plan to make some moo-shoo pork (sp?) tonight. I made some shredded pork the other day in the crock pot so i think I will throw it in the skillet to warm it w/some terriaki sauce, throw in some brocolli slaw and serve it w/lettuce...I guess more of a lettuce wrap but I call it something else so dh will be more willing to eat it.

Anyway, that is the plan for the day...Plus lots of water. Swizzlepop I AM a size 6 again has been talking about it on her blog and I need to do it too. Thanks for the reminder. :-)

Owning up.

So, I was just going to go on like I didn't weigh in and then next week just post my loss (b/c I am sure I will have one) and I couldn't do it. I was feeling GUILTY...yep, keeping this blog does that to me. Makes me accountable.

Really, this should be titled weekly weigh in, but as I am really embarrased, I am hoping no one will really read it. Sigh.

In 2 weeks I am up 5 lbs. Even. Yep.

Explain to me how in 2 weeks I can gain 2 lbs but it will now take me 3-4 to lose them?

Oh well, today was great. Followed my plan. Made a yummy spinach and chicken salad for lunch while dh & kids had pb&j (one of my favs). Actually, the salad was really good. I threw in 2 strawberries, a couple of craisens, some chicken I cooked yesterday and some rasberry vinagarette. But, I decided to be a little crazy and threw some orange peel on there and it was GREAT!!! Dh, and both kids decided to mooch from me. Made me slightly irritated,but glad that they all like the good for you food too.

Well, must go put the kids to bed. Wish me luck for the week.

A rush of inspiration!

Seriuosly, Roni (Roni’s Weight Watchen Page(s)) always is so inspiring so I found a recipe of hers and made it. That Quick Quinoa & Turkey Taco Stew . It looks just like she made it and taste really good too. Even dh liked it.
I figured I would freeze some. Then I cut up 2 packs of chicken breast and threw in some garlic to cook it up. I then bagged 3 10 oz bags and 3 3 oz bags. I kept one of each out for the week. I figured I would make something with the 10 oz one for dinner this week and something for lunch w/the other one.
I also cooked up a lb of ground turkey and bagged it for later this week AND I have a pork tenderloin cooking in the crockpot.

I guess I figured if I have all this stuff already cooked, it will be easy to throw together some kind of a meal instead of relying on the fast frozen items. I actually cook most of the time, but for some reason I thought lets make this week as easy as possible. YEAH!! I am actually really excited about it.

On a side note, I am doing a bit better. I was just so sad by all the things going on and it is really hard to have energy left after spending time with my kids to be on track and happy about it. That sounded wrong, lets see if I can put this into the words I want to. I had so little energy left this week after all the crap that was going on, I really just wanted to put it all into time with my kids instead of expending it else where. They deserve the best of their mom, unfortunately, there wasn't much left this week.

Thanks for letting me ramble. :-)

This is what I have decided...

I am dealing with a lot right now. A lot of tradgedy and sick kids and financial so I am just going to sit back and take it easy. I don't want to try and stress myself out, b/c that always seems to set me up for failure. Kwim? If I think I HAVE to do it then I tend to not eat and starve myself and then it is binge time.
Stress has been a huge factor in my eating lately and I am trying to decrease the stress. Some of the stress is created by me when I feel like I am trying to do well and then don't.

I am going to keep my head up, put my shoulders back and move on. I have had a few good cries, a lot of ice cream and many hugs over the last couple of weeks.

I am hoping it will be enough. :-) We will see.

Why do so many bad things happen at once?

I thought it was supposed to happen in 3's. I am at #5...

Something bad happened to a kid I work with. A friend passed away. Another friend's baby had a seizure (she is fine). Something bad happened to another kid I work with. A family friend was diagnosed with uteren cancer (pretty end stage).

What next?

You know what sucks? I am a stress eater. I am trying really hard, but this is getting ridiculous. How in the heck and I supposed to handle this? I have no time to exercise b/c I have to work so much right now.

Sorry about the whine. I just am stressed out.

I blame my husband.

He was trying to do a good thing, but it is still his fault.

I came home last Thursday night and he said we had to get the kids fed b/c a babysitter was coming @ 6:30 and we were going out to dinner with some friends for my bday. It was really sweet, and we had a great time, but didn't eat until after 8 so I was starving and I didn't know ahead of time so I didn't save any of my points. Sigh. We went to Joe's crab shack and I did not make good choices. But it was good.

Then I did okay on Friday but we went down to anaheim and spent the weekend at Disneyland. I guess I still have that no calories or fat count in an amusement park thinking. Sigh.

I did not weigh in this week. I am scared to do it. I know, I should just face up to it but I really don't want to.

Maybe tomorrow. Sigh.

Divine intervention?

I got some bad news at work today. A dearly loved co-worker and friend passed away this morning. She had pancreatic cancer and had fought it for over a year and a half. I felt horrible b/c she emailed me about 3 months ago to say she wanted to get together, but I was so busy and figured we would catch up after the holidays.

I cried and came home and ate (thank god I have low point comfort food here). I picked up my kids and went to McD's b/c I didn't feel like cooking. I got myself a lettuce wrap chicken sand meal w/fries.

I got out of the car and wouldn't you know the bag ripped and there went all my tasty fries all over my dirty car port. I was pissed! Ugg! I really wanted to eat something yummy and bad for me and I couldn't.

I came in, got the kids started and went back to clean up. I think there were about 5 fries that didn't hit the ground and, well, I am slightly embarrased to say that I did salvage those. They were tasty, but w/the sandwich, I was actually fine. I didn't need to eat any more.

So, I am assuming my friend was looking down on me telling me to not be so idiotic. She would totally say "come on Julie, you are being silly. I am fine now and it is okay we didn't get together. Sometimes life just gets in the way, but that is good b/c that means we are living it. You don't need food to make you feel better, just those beautiful kids of yours."

Seriously, that is something she would say. I know, it sounds cheesy, but it makes me feel better to think it, so that is that.

Free Lap band...

Yep, you heard me right. Free lap band. Does that not stir up all kinds of thoughts of easy weight loss?

So, I had dinner with my good friend last night who is a psychologist and happens to be having a baby on Friday. (yeah!!!) Anyway, we were talking about her private practice and how she works with a dr. who is getting ready to do FREE trials on 32 people for the lap band procedure and she was worried b/c she is the psychologist who has to sign off on them and she was unsure of how she would find the time with a newborn.

I have to admit I got to dreaming for a minute about it the posibilites of having a free surgery to make losing weight easier. Seriously. I can eat really well, but I definately get hungry and that is when I have problems.

Thing is, I know I don't have enough to lose to be eligible (although, I am not as far away from it as I would like to be) and second, I really want to be able to do this in order to show my kids how to be healthy. I know I can. When I choose to be disciplined about it, I really can. I have done it once before and will do it again.

But free...sigh...

My friend read my mind and was like "ummm, no way." She basically laughed at me and said you are too far away from it and really, you can...blah, blah, blah...all the things that I was thinking.

Still...

Well, we had a nice meal. I did eat too much bread, but that is what I have those darned flex points for. I was hoping to save them for Disneyland this weekend. Oh, didn't I mention I was going there? Dh is in the national guard and his base was the site for all the firefighting equipment (planes) that came out this summer and there is this great promotion that he gets a free ticket and we can buy up to 5 more for $56. They are 3 day park hoppers so a great deal. I am so excited b/c the kids are getting old enough to be really excited about the characters.

Nice tangent there. So, I have to figure out how to eat on my points at Disneyland. More stress but I can pack good snacks and the park is actually getting pretty health friendly.

Sorry, for the nice long post...just had a lot on my mind.

Free...

I hate that hungry when you wake up feeling.

Seriously. I hate it when I wake up to a growling stomach. I always feel like it is going to make me super hungry all day long, which is usually does.

Not sure why I get that either. I have noticed sometimes I get it if I eat close to bed time, but I stopped about 3 hours before I went to sleep last night. I ate all my points yesterday too. I was just hungry when I woke up. I think it might be b/c I was up and down w/my kids last night. They are getting sick again, so w/out a good nights sleep I think my body just feels like it needs the extra energy.

I just downed a bottle of water, ate a light english muffin w/PB and am drinking my morning cup of coffee and I am still hungry. I actually finished the muffin about 15 min ago. I am trying to force myself to wait 1/2 an hour to see if I am really still hungry.

Why is it such a struggle?

Anyhoo, that is where I am right now. I am working on it and hope that I can push it out of my mind and actually concentrate on my work. Got to love it...work...baah!

Weekly Weigh In...

Well...after a binge (and I mean binge) in the middle of the week and it being my bday this week I had my WI this morning.

And I am DOWN 1.5! Woot!!!!

The drowning in water helped, I am sure!

The day after...

So, after my b**** fest yesterday you would think I was set up to have a total binge...not so! I kept well w/in my points (thanks to my mom who cooked dinner and kept it all ww friendly and made angel food cake)!

Also, the day ended up being not so bad afterall. I guess I just think of 35 as a milestone (I don't know why) and so it should have been "BIG", kwim? It was just fine the way it was. I had a volunteer meeting @ the base and they brought me flowers, balloons and fruit (wtg dh who told them fruit instead of cake).

Then we went to my mom's for dinner. I got some picture frames, a target card a movie gift card and a little money. I can not complain. It was a nice day and best of all, I got to spend it with my babies and my dh.

I am a lucky woman. :-)

35

No, not points...but wouldn't that amount be easy to reach???

No, not weekly points left either...

That is how old I am today. 35. My last 5 bdays have kind of sucked, and today is starting off no different. I don't mind being older, I just want to have a nice, kind of special day and it never works that way for me.

DH is in the national guard and happens to be drilling this weekend. He left the house @ 5:45am and left me to get up w/the kids. My kids are definately too young to understand that mommy wanted to sleep in...sigh...

We happen to be really poor right now. I had to take a $500 a month pay cut last year to change jobs b/c of the hours we had so we have no money for me to do anything...to have a special dinner or for them even to get me a small gift. Dh isn't creative enough to have had the kids make me something either.

I know, I should be so grateful for the things I have in my life, but my friends at work all forgot it too and yesterday was just a crappy day.

oh well...at least I won't have to worry about over eating. :-)

Sorry to be so bitchy...I am just a little down.