Saturday, April 28, 2007

"Exercising" my demons...

I really like to exercise. Well, walk. I can walk for hours and hours and totally enjoy myself (proven by training for and doing 2 3-day breast cancer walks). I hate to run, but wish I didn’t. The treadmill isn’t the same either. I get bored. Mostly when I walk I enjoy the scenery and look at houses that are bigger than mine and dream of what it would be like to be in then. Then, to make myself feel better, I think about what it would be like to keep them clean! lol…
I also set goals for myself, imagine what it will be like when I am thin (to the MILF status that we all dream of) and many other things…Today I planned out my timeline in my head. I should be at my goal by the end of NEXT May. Yes, that is May 2008. I have to go slower b/c I am nursing and am only supposed to lose 1 lb a week while I am doing that. I would love to lose weight faster, but…I also want to nurse as long as possible, and my daughter is more important than the way I want to look. Anyway. I am okay with that. I just have to keep telling myself that it took longer than a month to come on so it will take longer than a month to get off. The most important thing is that I will get there.
I also thought about all those other wonderful things I imagine will happen when I lose weight. I want my husbands friends and co-workers to be jealous of him (is that bad?), I want to feel confident and I imagined myself buying size 8 pants off the rack w/out trying them on…and then taking them home and them fitting PERFECTLY! Oh, how wonderful will that be? To have choices and to maybe fit into the things on the sale racks. Ha ha retailers…watch out because Miss July is on her way to mess with your overpricing!
I didn’t want to walk when I got up this morning. I was tired from my day yesterday and didn’t sleep well. My daughter had a particularly rough night and woke up 3 times, when usually it is once and my husband had to leave early for work. (he is in the air natl guard and is drilling this weekend). I got up and had to deal w/the kids by myself (single parents are awesome) and had my cup of coffee and sat there trying to rationalize why I didn’t need to go for a walk. I was tired, I had walked for the last 3 days and really, what would it hurt? I finally decided I would load the kids up and take them for 20 minutes. I mean, really, what is 20 minutes when you are tired. It’s not like I could have napped anyway. Well, we got to the 20 minute mark and I thought, well, I will just walk up the block to where my walk will be 30 minutes. Then, when I got there, I thought if I just keep walking I will be to the point where it won’t matter and I may as well finish b/c it is going to be an hour long walk anyway. And I did. I enjoyed it…as I said, I imagined all kinds of wonderful things and I realized that walking is really like therapy for me. I can imagine good things for myself, I think partially because I know that I am doing something healthy and positive, but because it gives me time away from the house.
I have a challenge for all of you who hate to exercise. Give it 20 minutes. Seriously. That is all I ask. If you can do 20 minutes a day of something you dislike, or even hate, then you can do anything…including getting to goal and maintaining it. Of course, that isn’t the only thing that will get you there, but it will help. Use it as a way to “exercise your demons,” and day dream about the way things will be. Use it to focus yourself and come up with game plans on how to handle tough situtations (not always including food but dealing with your boss, your spouse, your kids, those crazy careless drivers, etc…). Use it as therapy, or relaxation, or a challenge or obstacle you don’t want to face. Just 20 minutes. That is all I ask.

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